Supporting a survivor of 'honour'-based abuse can be daunting especially when it is someone close to you and you are worried about saying or doing "the wrong thing." You don't have to be an expert to support someone but there are some really simple things you can do that will help.
Listen and Believe
- Listen. If someone discloses an experience of 'honour'-based abuse to you, listening to what they tell with no judgment, compassion and empathy can be incredibly helpful. Just taking the time to listen to someone and talk about what has happened can help.
- Believe. Rather than asking a lot of questions, just let them know that you believe them and will support them as best as you can. Try not to skip ahead to what to do practically without first validating what you have heard and listening to what they have to say.
- Reassure. Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship or status, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this occurred.
- Give Options. Somebody who has experienced or is experiencing 'honour'-based abuse may feel they have had power and control taken away from them. This means the most important thing is to respond in a way that increases their choice over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options but avoid telling them what they should do.
Signpost to University Support
There is lots of specialist support available within the University that your friend or loved one can access for support.
- Student Life Adviser. An adviser can talk through the University's procedures, how to make a complaint and what support is available, in confidence.
- Residential Life Team. Whether it is your neighbourhood Student Services Resident (SSR) or the Duty SSR, if you are living in UEA residences there is someone to talk to.
- The uea(su) Advice Service is a free, confidential service. Advisers can support students who have been named in a disciplinary report for breach of the General Regulations for Students, and can talk through the procedure, what options are available and help you complain if you are unhappy with the process.
- Your School. If you are a student you can talk to your academic adviser.
Signpost to Specialist Services
- Karma Nirvana - The helpline offers confidential practical and emotional support from trained and experienced advisors.
- Forced Marriage Unit - Operates a public helpline to provide advice and support to victims and potential victims of forced marriage
- Forced Marriage - Survivors Handbook
Reporting Options
It's important to respect any reporting decision including a decision not to report at all. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to report, only they can decide what is best for them.
- Police If you want to report a hate incident directly to the police, you can call the non-emergency number 101, report online or visit your local police station to report a crime. If you feel your friend or loved one is in immediate danger, always all 999. Reporting is a big decision and all of the support services linked to above can support you with this, if your friend or loved one decides to make a police report.
- University. If the perpetrator is a member of the University community, your friend or loved one will have the option of submitting a formal report. The first step to making a formal report is to speak with an advisor, who will be able to provide your friend or loved one with advice and support on what options are available to make an informed decision.